The Hunting Widows

Most of my immediate family's vacations stem around visiting our extended family. We live 2 hours from Tim's parents and 6 hours from mine. We adore both of them and they are so loving to us and their granddaughter. Each set has different ways of showing love, which is so unique to their personalities. I've never read this book, but I have learned some interesting things about it from Sheri: The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. From our past experiences and our personal preferences, each of us is molded into a style of showing and receiving love (kind of like a thumbprint, I suppose!).

I often think about my own Language of Love in times of extremes, when Tim and I are very much in love and when Tim and I are struggling. Most often, in the times of struggle, it tends to be a personal war within my mind. Some "slight" on Tim's part (I use that word loosely because it often is perceived by me but not even acted out by Tim) will send me into a narcissistic down-spiral. This is what Tim's passion for hunting has done to me in the past. I used to tend to perceive Tim's hunting as him leaving ME. Which, in 99.9% of hunting cases, I would say is wrong for most couples. The men (and women) who hunt do physically leave the house and the spouse and the girlfriend and the family, but they are not leaving their feelings for the aforementioned. They are leaving the 'real' world to visit the more beautiful Real World. It is a breath of fresh air, literally. It's a freeing of the mind to be surrounded by nature, a vision of the world that God intended. It's an amazing experience to be alone in nature without being connected in any way to any one else. In our world of hustle and bustle, of loud noises and unending music, of instant and constant connection to the world through wifi and cell phones, we forget that we can be a powerful person of one.

Our extremely passionate hunters have a strange desire to be connected to the land. In it's gentle folds and rugged peaks, they find the animals that they are hunting. They scour USGS maps and Google Earth looking for just the right creek or canyon. They walk unending hours to reach a point where few others are-or have ventured before. How exciting and exhilirating!!!

And then there's our reality, when we HWs feel like we've been "abandoned" yet another weekend during hunting season. We tend to not feel kindness that we are giving our Hunters the chance to experience this amazing Earth. There is little-to-no compassion when they get home exhausted because they've just traipsed to the top of a mountain and back. And of course any kindness and compassion that was held in the beginning of the Season is sure to wane by the end of the Season.

There is a responsibility on both the Hunter and the Hunting Widow. Without kindness or compassion, there is no love. But Kindness and Compassion work in mysterious ways... If one partner shows the other more kindness and compassion, the receiving partner will show more in return. Maybe it's as small as buying an extra bag of Trail Mix at Costco because you think your Hunter could use it. Or maybe it's as big as acknowledging that you've been gone and hunting 4 weekends in a row and your Hunting Widow is frazzled and needs a break from the kids, so you stay home. Each of these acts of kindness and compassion, in turn, will soften the receiver's heart into showing more kindness and compassion themselves.

Isn't it amazing how easy, yet how hard, this can be!