Budget Woes

Oh for the money that I lost in Poker earlier this month! There's a bracelet I am drooling over, and you, dear money, would pay for it. *sigh* I miss you! Please come back :*)...

I have to say that the month's almost over and all the cash is gone, but we should be good with groceries until next Tuesday, the first of the month. I must say, the feeling of accomplishment will be great when we see a greater balance in the account than a month ago.

I was blessed to attend an amazing workshop a couple of Fridays ago. Brandon Barber came up to Bozeman for a bootcamp and taught about the three parts of a personality, and how to cut through the self-sabotaging 'stuff' to get to the real you. You take an Assessment Report that
"measures with great accuracy the thought processes that are driving your decisions and actions." This comes with a 40-page report, giving valuable insight into the workings of your minds. Keeping in mind that Brandon coaches a lot of Mary Kay consultants/directors, he is definitely NOT warm and fuzzy --- definitely nice, but not soft! He knows that he has 6 hours to get you to that AHA moment (which mine came 1-hr into the workshop), and he's going to do everything he can to get you there.

I was so excited by the process that I made Sheri take the assessment last Sunday. Her report was right on, exactly who she is. Then we had a fun time picking out our husbands' personalities and reading the specifics. HOLY COW!!! For both of us, we married our opposites, and we tend to butt heads on some matters. To see (on paper) what my spouse needs to make decisions and how he goes about forming a decision was relationship-transforming. "OH! THAT'S WHY HE DOES THAT!!!" "OH! THAT'S WHY HE SAYS THAT!!!" So amazing, in fact, that Brandon is coming back for a 6-hour bootcamp on July 30. This might be a hard one to get the guys to go to, I mean there are a million other things to do on a Friday in the middle of summer (like WORK!), but for the couples that do make the decision to come, it will be the best investment into your marriage/relationship that you have ever made. That Friday's workshop is going to be called "Finding Your US." You are going to learn how to live in a win-win relationship. I'm so stinking excited to drag my husband (kicking and screaming if I have to!) to the bootcamp!!!

The other fun thing we have in the works is for the next day, July 31st. We are throwing a "Finding Your FUN" show at the Hilton Garden to tie into the "Finding Your US" workshop. We are looking for companies that promote fun activities, women-inspired and -run businesses, and any other great booth rental ideas. We will have an area dedicated to volunteer information. It's just going to be FUN!

This week I'm hoping to get all the promotional material together. If anyone has any insight or ideas into vendor shows, please holler :-)! Also, if you have questions about the bootcamp, you can email me at amberblazina@bridgeband.com. Take care, Everyone!

Budget Nazi

Tim and I (again) realized that our checking account was slowly bleeding (to death). Time for the Super Budget to be reinstated. This month, I agreed to the following: $150 for gas (the Hunting Widow Rig is a bit of a gas guzzler!), $250 for groceries, and $40 for fun money for Josie and I. I decided to play poker last Friday night with some friends, and in a very upsetting beat, lost the $40 of fun money. YIKES! So, instead of condemning myself into my usual guilt-stupor, I took the feeling of conviction and decided that I needed to "Stop Acting Rich" or I would never end up being one of the "Millionaire Women Next Door".

This is hard for me, because I see and I want it. I fall in love with marketing. I live and breathe Visual Communications. My past is full of striving to be cool. My husband calls me a raccoon because I like shiny things (especially diamonds). But the past year has been tighter for us, and God has smacked me over the head a time or two with convictions about spending money (have I mentioned that I'm a slow learner?). I can safely say that I am no longer scared of a Budget. I actually feel quite nice to know that we have a predetermined amount of money to spend. The fact that the allotted amounts are small is something I'm working on, but for now they are what they are. This stops the bleeding of the account, and it really is comforting to know where your money is going, even before it goes there. Thank you, Dave Ramsey!

Tim and I are also in the middle of a Marriage Bible Study. It's part of the Dynamic Marriage series. There are two big themes that are going on with the genders that I have seen: Women want their husbands to acknowledge their feelings and affirm their actions, and Men want their wives to act with a gentle spirit and a glad heart. We are to make one personal commitment to our spouse for the coming week. That can range from easy to hard, depending on what you think you need to work on. This week, I committed to acting with a glad heart. Too easily I become bogged down with details and time schedules. And all it does is sour my attitude, and if Momma ain't happy, no one's happy. Wives are entrusted with so much to keep the family operating, especially if their husband is a Sportsman. From laundry, cleaning & cooking to budgets & child-rearing, we have to function as a single parent very often. I don't say this with disdain, but with a sense of ownership. If there's anything I've learned from the Marriage Class, it's that husbands love capable wives. A smoothly-operating home front is a sense of comfort for a husband. This isn't a man's forté, and wives tend to have a knack at making a house a home. So I encourage you to embrace your role as a wife. And husbands, encourage your wives with affirmation and hugs and kisses. Little steps can achieve big results!

The Wonderful Craziness of Last Week

I have another thought-provoking post I want to touch on, but first, some fun!



Last week was Josie's Birthday -- Big #4 -- and my HW friend JoLin & I finally wore Tim down into agreeing to get a kitty for Josie. We found little Waffle at the local shelter, and she's been wonderful! She's about 7 months old and potty trained. Josie's in seventh heaven, and I've been able to have a little less mommy-pressure now that Josie has a cat to play with. There's been some clawing and biting (isn't it funny how animals tend to treat the youngest one in the family with less patience?). There was a bit of tension between Waffle and our dog, Abby. But even that is subsiding, and I have grand thoughts of them playing together and laying down on the same doggie bed. Perhaps that's the hopeless optimistic in me, though :-).



I tend to not take Mother's Day too seriously, because I've learned that high expectations only create big disappointment for me. Plus, we're on a Super Budget, which I will touch on in the next post. I really consider myself lucky that I LOVE to flyfish, and the caddis fly hatch falls on Mother's Day. The fish are frisky and fat, and it's great odds that you'll have a good time. Tim, Josie and I drove over to the Yellowstone Sunday late afternoon, and Tim let me catch all the fish I wanted :-).

I love to fish, but I rarely do it without Tim. Our very first date included my first fly fishing lesson out at Spanish Creek. I caught a lot of tiny fish that night. I screamed like a little girl when I noticed a BIG spider on my shoulder. And I really fell in love with Tim. Fly fishing for both of us is very calming and centering, although I will admit I've been through many years of it being just plain frustrating :-). I do feel like I'm ready to break free and perhaps try a little fishing by myself. JoLin, Josie and I went to the Chica de Mayo at The Rivers Edge last Thursday, which was all about empowering women to fish for themselves. There was a wide range of women there, talented fisher women to women who haven't even fished before. And bravo to these women, because stepping into the unknown can be very hard and humbling.

Condemnation vs. Conviction

I feel the need to carry on this conversation from my bible study this morning to the blog this afternoon. It’s an interesting topic, and I think many women struggle with this…

I don’t know why or how, but I have morphed my poor soul into a guilty conscience. I can make the much-used reason that “I grew up Catholic,” but I think society in general is constantly condemning us. This 100 lb monkey-on-my-back is forever slowing my step. It hinders my growth, it keeps me from succeeding (does the term, “It doesn’t really matter, anyway?” ring a bell to anyone else?), and it keeps me from Joy—and I love Joy.

I will not condemn myself for making wrong decisions in my past, treating my husband poorly during hunting season, not responding to phone calls or emails in a timely manner, indulging in the Mocha MooLatte from DQ, etc. And the list goes on because I can think of a million matters to feel guilty about, mostly because I feel like I under-perform in EVERYTHING I do (is anyone else a sour perfectionist?). Nothing I do is good enough for me. My shoulders literally feel a 100 lb lighter: I can feel Convicted instead of Condemned. Oh My Gosh!!! And I am not a bad person for not guilting myself into a doom-centered stupor!!! I don’t have to relive past moments that undefined me!!! I really can let them go! Isn’t this what God tells us to do???

We are not going to ruin our lives if we let go of our guilt that we think is fueling our drive. In fact, this guilt is self-sabotaging our creative forces to succeed. Ever try to lose weight by ‘guilting’ yourself into not eating sweets? You can bet that weight won’t drop or stay off. Ever try to get your hunter husband to stay home by giving him a ‘guilt trip?’ You can bet that he still leaves, and if he does stay home it won’t be a pleasurable experience. Guilting yourself and others into action doesn’t work!!! I am convicted of this !!!

And somehow, I can say and mean “I’m sorry” to pretty much anything that happens to anyone. Can a phrase get any more self-depracating??? My husband has a hectic day at work, and I say “I’m sorry.” My daughter bumps her head and I say “I’m sorry.” My fellow Hunting Widow has a fight with her hunter husband and I say “I’m sorry.” Well, I am turning a new leaf: I’m NOT sorry. I will empathize and help analyze, but I will not be sorry. Now the big question is what words to replace this phrase with… “That is really frustrating, I understand how you feel,” and “What can I do to help?”

So, for starters, I am a true blue Hunting Widow. Do I feel sorry for myself? No. But I can say to myself “What can I do to help?” Now, do I feel sorry for other Hunting Widows? Sorry—No. “That is really frustrating, I understand how you feel”—Yes!!! I empathize with them, and I hope that this lifestyle brand will help them get over any sour feelings of resentment-then-guilt they have towards the Hunters in their lives. Our point is to empower Hunting Widows to become much more than the woman left at home. Let’s use this unique lifestyle as an opportunity!!!

Thanksgiving

I just received the most wonderful message from a Hunter in California. It reads,

“I want to Thank you for this site. My wife is a hunting widow and she gets upset every time I go hunting. She doesn't voice her true feelings. I just have her kinetics to study and try and make things better. This site gives more insight about my wife's feelings. Keep up the good work!”

How many of us have done this exact thing to our husbands? Every time he leaves, every other time he leaves, once a year when we’re finally fed up with them leaving us time and again… Do we let it fester, or do let him know what’s on our mind? Do we let it grow into an “infection,” souring everything in our path of life? If it’s a constant source of grudge, resentment and revenge, this is going to ruin your spirit. Not one woman can live a healthy life while carrying around baggage like this. That proverbial monkey on your back can feel like an elephant in no time. You see red in everything that your Hunter does, in fact you think that his very existence’s goal is to spite you. Maybe this is a bit of a leap, but I’m pretty sure some of us have let our negative thoughts go this far. I know I have, so I’m talking out of experience!

That bitterness can be so magnified that you can taste it, and it is an awful flavor. Forgiveness and gentleness and kindness can rescue us from this downward spiral. And it has to sincerely start within you. You can’t wait for your Hunter to stay home because you’re ranting and raving and stewing about him leaving. Extend a piece of your humble spirit towards him, and you will be pleasantly surprised what you get back. This is easier said than done; I’ve been working on it for 8 years now, and I still feel like a novice. But the more I practice, the more I learn, and the easier and more natural it becomes. And you know what? My Hunter gives me more back, in return. And for that I am very Thankful!

a few of my favorite things

I'm sitting here this morning at my computer, and I'm listening to Josie and a friend play in the background. They're probably making a mess (yup, they are), but I don't care --- they're happy and they're playing well together this morning. I've been up since 6am, walked to my friend Elizabeth's house, played Dance Dance Revolution (which is NOT my forte), and walked home to my family waking up. It was gorgeous out this morning, with heavy fog and thick frost and new snow. And it got better after I downed 6 cups of coffee, too!

I'm so looking forward to spending some time with my daughter at the end of the month. We are going to Phoenix for a good friend's wedding. We are staying in a fabulous hotel, and it'll just be us two -- Tim had plans to go to Alaska steelhead fishing in April, and we can't afford to have him go on both vacations. So I get my daughter all to myself. I'm kind of missing the weekends with Tim gone hunting. Now that she's getting a little older (almost 4!) those weekends are becoming so special. I know that all too soon she's not going to want to spend the weekend with me. She'll want to go her friends' houses (although I really hope we are the house that all her friends want to come to!) and she'll want to talk on the phone and go shopping and drive around with everyone but me.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having Tim around. He's still coyote hunting and fishing, but it's not as gung-ho during the winter as other times.

My January has been spent on focusing on being Positive. I'm a part of a bible study and we're working on Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself. A friend suggested I read The Power of Positive Think by Norman Vincent Peale, and it has been such an eye opener, too. I'm starting to understand what constitutes as a negative thought, and how to counteract them. Doubting myself has been a HUGE obstacle in my life. I continually found myself thinking that I really couldn't do something, that only those breakthrough things happened to other people. I'm now realizing that I can stifle those thoughts and tell myself I CAN do that particular thing, and I CAN see a breakthrough myself. I'm committing to Allison Lamarr's 30-Day Sprint, and we'll see how I can ramp up my professional life in February!

I'd love to hear from women who are wanting to change any area in their life, be it their Physical Health, Social life, Spiritual, etc. Let's all make some positive changes this year!

Most of my immediate family's vacations stem around visiting our extended family. We live 2 hours from Tim's parents and 6 hours from mine. We adore both of them and they are so loving to us and their granddaughter. Each set has different ways of showing love, which is so unique to their personalities. I've never read this book, but I have learned some interesting things about it from Sheri: The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. From our past experiences and our personal preferences, each of us is molded into a style of showing and receiving love (kind of like a thumbprint, I suppose!).

I often think about my own Language of Love in times of extremes, when Tim and I are very much in love and when Tim and I are struggling. Most often, in the times of struggle, it tends to be a personal war within my mind. Some "slight" on Tim's part (I use that word loosely because it often is perceived by me but not even acted out by Tim) will send me into a narcissistic down-spiral. This is what Tim's passion for hunting has done to me in the past. I used to tend to perceive Tim's hunting as him leaving ME. Which, in 99.9% of hunting cases, I would say is wrong for most couples. The men (and women) who hunt do physically leave the house and the spouse and the girlfriend and the family, but they are not leaving their feelings for the aforementioned. They are leaving the 'real' world to visit the more beautiful Real World. It is a breath of fresh air, literally. It's a freeing of the mind to be surrounded by nature, a vision of the world that God intended. It's an amazing experience to be alone in nature without being connected in any way to any one else. In our world of hustle and bustle, of loud noises and unending music, of instant and constant connection to the world through wifi and cell phones, we forget that we can be a powerful person of one.

Our extremely passionate hunters have a strange desire to be connected to the land. In it's gentle folds and rugged peaks, they find the animals that they are hunting. They scour USGS maps and Google Earth looking for just the right creek or canyon. They walk unending hours to reach a point where few others are-or have ventured before. How exciting and exhilirating!!!

And then there's our reality, when we HWs feel like we've been "abandoned" yet another weekend during hunting season. We tend to not feel kindness that we are giving our Hunters the chance to experience this amazing Earth. There is little-to-no compassion when they get home exhausted because they've just traipsed to the top of a mountain and back. And of course any kindness and compassion that was held in the beginning of the Season is sure to wane by the end of the Season.

There is a responsibility on both the Hunter and the Hunting Widow. Without kindness or compassion, there is no love. But Kindness and Compassion work in mysterious ways... If one partner shows the other more kindness and compassion, the receiving partner will show more in return. Maybe it's as small as buying an extra bag of Trail Mix at Costco because you think your Hunter could use it. Or maybe it's as big as acknowledging that you've been gone and hunting 4 weekends in a row and your Hunting Widow is frazzled and needs a break from the kids, so you stay home. Each of these acts of kindness and compassion, in turn, will soften the receiver's heart into showing more kindness and compassion themselves.

Isn't it amazing how easy, yet how hard, this can be!